he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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