ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
