no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
