Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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