P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
