You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
