So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
