If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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