no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
