I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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