If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
