I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
