a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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