well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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