wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
