rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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