She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
