She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
