textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
