Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
