So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
