I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
