Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
