You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
