When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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