no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
