youre lurking in front of me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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