I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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