i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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