I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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