butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
