I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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