Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
