i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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