How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
