You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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