the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
