I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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