I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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