He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
