Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
