he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
