Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
