I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
