Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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