I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
