Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
