Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
its liver damage thursday
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
