I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
