I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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