I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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