I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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