i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
