cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
