Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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