I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
