in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
