he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
