I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
